We’ve all done it, said something without really thinking first. It can lead to goofy comments or questions being blurted out, which at the best of times is harmless fodder for a good laugh. In any industry that deals with large numbers of people every day, incidents like this happen often and silly questions get asked or absurd statements are made. These are the moments that staff and crew look back on with a chuckle. PVA operators across the country shared their favorite questions, comments, or stories that have popped up over the years. Some are surprisingly common in all corners of the nation while others are quite unique, but all will likely bring a smile to your face. Thank you to all the operators who contributed!
The entries below were contributed by various operators and are in their voice or that of their customers.
Hope, and boats, float
My favorite happened this past spring after a week of massive flooding around our area when we had to vacate our offices for a week. A woman asked me, “What did you all do?” I replied, “Well, we all went home and waited for the water to go back down before coming back to work. I mean, we had maintenance staff looking over the facility, but the rest of us went home for the week.”
The woman looked puzzled and asked. “Did you guys have any damage? The water got really high.” After considering her response and her tone I got the sense that she didn’t quite comprehend the situation. So, I simply said, “Well you understand that everything floats, right? Like, as the river rises, so does all our stuff.” And, then I saw the embarrassment fill her face, and let me say, her face got very red. We all got a great laugh about it after she came to the realization of what I was saying.
The same flood we had a customer screaming at our ticket agent, not understanding why we were canceling their cruise. The gentleman said that he could not understand why the cruise couldn’t happen since the boat floats no matter the river height. The staff member politely said the river was over the parking lot and up to the grass—you couldn’t physically get on the boat without swimming to the dock. He hung up on her.
Honing Navigation Skills
I have been asked if we could change the route of the cruise for them, such as going upriver (where it is extremely narrow and dangerous) because they wanted to.
“Is Catalina Island in America? What currency does the island take?”
Catalina Island is part of Los Angeles County, and Avalon, incorporated in 1913, and was the 13th city in the county. Merchants accept U.S. dollars as payment.
I’ve had people ask me if the stairs go up, or just down. One person was standing next to the stairs on an upper deck and asked me how to get downstairs. I, without a word or any emotion, pointed to the staircase they were standing next to. You would have thought that my gesture had made it appear out of thin air!
Yes, I have gotten asked what city we are in.
Guest: “I am lost. How do I get there?”
Staff: “Where are you?”
Guest: “I’m not sure.”
“How do I get there from my house?”
“Can I take the ferry from Port Jefferson [N.Y.] to Delaware?”
I answered the following phone call in September shortly before a cruise and my staff thoroughly enjoyed the faces I made trying to understand the question and respond in a reasonable manner. I always understand folks having a hard time finding us prior to actually seeing the boat, but this was a first.
Guest: “I am here at your address for my cruise this evening. I see a big white boat, is it near that?”
Me: “That is us. We are the big white boat. You are in the right spot.”
Guest: “Okay should I go down there, or will the boat come pick us up somewhere?”
Natural Wonders
Curiosity and misconceptions about wildlife can trigger a few good queries such as:
“When do the moose turn into caribou?”
“What is the difference between a seal and sea otter?” To which a fellow guest answered, “Well, a seal is a fish.” “How long does it take a Dall’s porpoise to grow into an orca?”
“When did you turn on the rainbow?”
“Are the waterfalls fresh or salt water?”
Note, we tour along cliffs with freshwater falls flowing down from the mountains.
Our tours travel through the fjords and passageways of Prince William Sound where we often find ourselves surrounded by mountains on all sides. On more than one occasion our captains and crew have been asked not only how tall a mountain is but how much it weighs. The best response was given a few years ago by one of our operators who responded: “With or without snow?”
Can I pet the bison (or buffalo) on the island?”
As majestic as they are, the bison roaming the island are wild animals. For your safety (and theirs!), it’s best to admire them from a respectful distance.
“When did you turn on the rainbow?”
Finding Parking
Guest standing in our parking area: “Where should I park?”
“Your parking lot is full. Maybe some people are parked in the wrong spot. What do I do?”
I have gotten asked if guests could park their car on the riverboat for “safe keeping” while they ride the cruise.
Corners like it’s on rails
A guest got onboard our water taxi that shuttles passengers from the mainland to our beach club on the barrier island. The guest did not realize the captain actually operates the boat and asked our captain if the boat was on a track like a Disney ride. Our captain got a great laugh out of it!
Guest: “What time does the sunset cruise leave?”
Staff: “Boarding is at 7:00, the cruise sails 7:30-9:30.”
Guest: “Is that a.m. or p.m.?”
We ain’t got a barrel of money
Valdez is the terminus of the Trans Alaska Pipeline, and we share information about the history of the line, daily amount of oil that flows through the line, and environmental protections. The daily flow in the pipeline is measured in barrels with one barrel equaling 42 gallons. When we explain that the daily flow is around 450,000 barrels, we sometimes get the following questions:
“Isn’t it noisy to have all of those barrels going through the pipeline?” from guests thinking that the pipeline is filled with barrels rattling down the 800-mile journey from the north slope of Alaska to Valdez.
“What do they do with all the empty [oil] barrels after they fill the tankers?” from people that think the barrels are individually emptied into the tankers.
Going Overboard
On Monday of this week, I had a field trip with middle schoolers. They asked if they could throw the anchor in just to see if it would really stop the boat while moving. I said no, went inside, and then one boy pushed the anchor off the side of the boat. It had a chain, so it didn’t stop the boat, but it was a pain to get it back onboard.
Last week alone, I stopped so many guests from throwing trash in the river. In one case, I actually got the response that “I do this because I’m from Philly and we’re allowed to litter up there.”
What time is it?
Guest: “What time does the sunset cruise leave?”
Staff: “Boarding is at 7:00, the cruise sails 7:30-9:30.”
Guest: “Is that a.m. or p.m.?”
This particular woman called back two more times with the same question before finally booking the cruise.
“What time does the 3 p.m. [enter any specific time here] cruise leave?”
“How long is the two-hour cruise?”
“I just missed my boat. Can you ask the boat to come back?”
Once a vessel departs, it’s on a set schedule and can’t turn around. Don’t worry—our ticket agents are here to help and will gladly review other departure options to get you on your way.
Islands in the Stream
I’ve had guests ask, “Does the water go all the way around the island?” Yes, that is the definition of an island!
As we cruise the sound, we find ourselves near shore, in narrow passageways or traveling around islands. In addition, we have a few rock pillars in the middle of deep water that have navigational aids on them. Guests will ask us questions such as “Do you always find this island here?”
I had one passenger ask me if the islands were anchored to the bottom of the lake.
“Can I swim under the island to get to the other side?”
The island sits solidly on the ocean floor, so if you’re trying to get to the other side, you’ll need to swim around, take a boat, or hike across. No underwater shortcuts here!
Just to Double Check
I love the person who calls, asks 20 different questions, then finally says, “Yeah that’s what it says here on your website, too.” It’s as if they didn’t trust the information and needed someone to say it out loud to be believed. Typically, we find that this is when there is something specifically stated on the site that we do not do or allow, and the people call to see if they can get a different answer from a person on the phone.
One of my all-time favorite questions was, “Is it safe?”
“Are you the captain?”
We only have one crew member in a white shirt and shoulder boards with a name tag that says “captain.”
“So, there’s no way to get tickets for a sold-out boat?”
Variations of “Is it worth it?” and “Is it nice?” are great because what sort of response are you expecting from someone answering phones for a tour boat business who is trying to get you to come for a cruise?
“Can I buy tickets over the phone with cash?”
“Can I drive the boat?”
Our vessels are operated exclusively by licensed captains. They’ve undergone rigorous training to ensure a smooth and safe journey—so sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!
The Importance of Math in Guest Service
An important skill for every Wendella guest service employee is math. Yes, math.
You’ll need to add and subtract as passengers get on and off the boat. You’ll need to explain the difference between a 45-minute tour and a 90-minute tour. (Hint: it’s not just 45 minutes.) You’ll need to tell time—like figuring out that the 2:00 p.m. 90-minute tour ends at 3:30 p.m.
But most importantly, you’ll need to be able to count to ten.
Every employee is tested on their counting ability—specifically, how to count to ten without rolling their eyes or sighing dramatically.
When someone asks what time the 10:00 a.m. tour departs, count to ten before answering. When someone asks how long the 90-minute tour lasts, count to ten before you “accidentally” say, “Roughly 90 minutes.”
When someone asks how long the tour to Buckingham Palace takes, count to ten before you reply, “About a month, so we’ll stop at Buckingham Fountain instead.”
10, 9, 8, 7, breathe in, 6, 5, 4, smile, 3, 2, 1, breath out and answer as enthusiastically as you talk about your Pokemon card collection.
You’ll need it when a fraternity tries to bring a coffin on board. When a woman decides the best time to deliver her sermon is right after the tour guide puts the mic down to take a breath. When a family with three screaming toddlers sits directly under the microphone. Every. Single. Time.
“What’s that round building in the middle of the lake?” “You mean the one I just spent five minutes talking about?” (Didn’t count to ten.)
“Is there a difference between the River Tour and the Lake & River Tour?” “Yes. Well, the lake.” (Come on, count to ten.)
“Is this the ocean?” “Not unless Chicago has recently been relocated.” (Don’t forget… ten.)
“Do you think I should take the 4:00 p.m. 90-minute tour? My flight home is at 6 p.m.” “Only if you enjoy stress, panic, and evading the TSA.” (Definitely count to ten.)
“Where does Al Capone live?” “Well, he’s been dead for over 75 years, so maybe not here anymore.”
It takes a special kind of person to work in guest service. Someone who can smile, stay calm, and count to ten!